Jingle Bell SOC? Driving for Christmas? Your IT festive jokes from Splunk

Christmas crackerHi everyone,

I hope you’re all doing OK and in the run down to the holiday season soon. There’s a long tradition of Splunk Christmas blog posts over the years with the 12 days of Splunkmas and your data-driven Christmas playlist. There’s also a long tradition in the UK of Christmas crackers on the Christmas lunch table. These are festive table decorations that snap when you pull them, contain a comedy paper hat, a useless novelty gift and some of the worst jokes ever devised. These “dad jokes on steroids” however are my favourite - especially for annoying my kids. I thought that I’d share the IT related, Christmas cracker joke love this December with this year’s festive blog post. As a disclaimer before you read any further - this is the kind of thing you should be ready for:

What kind of data did the Santa Technology OPerations Infrastructure Team (STOPIT) put into Splunk?
Elfabtyes of Yule logs. 🎄

You’ve been warned. 


  • Where did the cybersecurity threat analyst team and the CISO have their Christmas drinks? A SOCtail party
  • Based on COVID and lockdown - how did they actually have their Christmas drinks? WFH (Wine From Home)
  • What did they agree was the biggest cybersecurity threat this holiday season? In-cider threat
  • What don’t you want to find on the table on 25th December? Christmas cr-hackers
  • What is a CISO’s favourite festive tune? The 12 zero days of Christmas

IT & DevOps

  • What did the DevOps team say to the monitoring team? Happy H-o11y-days
  • What did the CIO and the data centre team have to drink on Christmas Eve? NOCtails
  • Where did the dev team send their debug messages? Std(spr)out 
  • What is a UNIX admin’s favourite song? Jingle Shells
  • How did the data scientist get started using his data? Cloud ‘elf service


  • Where does Father Christmas run the North Pole SaaS service? Santa cl-AWS
  • What kind of database do the elves use? NoelSQL 
  • Where do they back up their data? Ho-ho-doop and very cold storage
  • How does Santa monitor Dasher, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph? An RDBMS (ReinDeer Brigade Management System)
  • How does Santa’s toy factory access christmas gift list data - The North pOLE
  • What was Santa’s new self driving vehicle called? A Sl-AI-gh
  • What did Santa give to the multimedia graphic designer for Christmas? A GIFt

Social Media & WFH

  • What did the bottle of champagne say to the Christmas IPA on Zoom? Can you beer me? I'm on flute
  • What did the Christmas IPA say back? Let me turn my CAMRA on (CAMRA is the UK’s Campaign for Real Ale)
  • What’s the best way to share your drunken Christmas party festive photos? Peer-to-beer networking
  • What kind of photos should you not share on Instagram this Christmas? Drunken ‘Elfies 
  • Why did Rudolph go gluten free and shut down his social media accounts? He had a twheat allergy 

Have a very restful, safe holiday season. I’m really looking forward to seeing some of you in person at a SplunkLive! or .conf in 2021. 

As always - thanks for reading



Matt Davies

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