Jingle Bell SOC? Driving 127.0.0.1 for Christmas? Your IT festive jokes from Splunk

I hope you’re all doing OK and in the run down to the holiday season soon. There’s a long tradition of Splunk Christmas blog posts over the years with the 12 days of Splunkmas and your data-driven Christmas playlist. There’s also a long tradition in the UK of Christmas crackers on the Christmas lunch table. These are festive table decorations that snap when you pull them, contain a comedy paper hat, a useless novelty gift and some of the worst jokes ever devised. These “dad jokes on steroids” however are my favourite - especially for annoying my kids. I thought that I’d share the IT related, Christmas cracker joke love this December with this year’s festive blog post. As a disclaimer before you read any further - this is the kind of thing you should be ready for:

You’ve been warned.

Security

• Where did the cybersecurity threat analyst team and the CISO have their Christmas drinks? A SOCtail party
• Based on COVID and lockdown - how did they actually have their Christmas drinks? WFH (Wine From Home)
• What did they agree was the biggest cybersecurity threat this holiday season? In-cider threat
• What don’t you want to find on the table on 25th December? Christmas cr-hackers
• What is a CISO’s favourite festive tune? The 12 zero days of Christmas

IT & DevOps

• What did the DevOps team say to the monitoring team? Happy H-o11y-days
• What did the CIO and the data centre team have to drink on Christmas Eve? NOCtails
• Where did the dev team send their debug messages? Std(spr)out
• What is a UNIX admin’s favourite song? Jingle Shells
• How did the data scientist get started using his data? Cloud ‘elf service

Santa

• Where does Father Christmas run the North Pole SaaS service? Santa cl-AWS
• What kind of database do the elves use? NoelSQL
• Where do they back up their data? Ho-ho-doop and very cold storage
• How does Santa monitor Dasher, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph? An RDBMS (ReinDeer Brigade Management System)
• How does Santa’s toy factory access christmas gift list data - The North pOLE
• What was Santa’s new self driving vehicle called? A Sl-AI-gh
• What did Santa give to the multimedia graphic designer for Christmas? A GIFt

Social Media & WFH

• What did the bottle of champagne say to the Christmas IPA on Zoom? Can you beer me? I'm on flute
• What did the Christmas IPA say back? Let me turn my CAMRA on (CAMRA is the UK’s Campaign for Real Ale)
• What’s the best way to share your drunken Christmas party festive photos? Peer-to-beer networking
• What kind of photos should you not share on Instagram this Christmas? Drunken ‘Elfies
• Why did Rudolph go gluten free and shut down his social media accounts? He had a twheat allergy

Have a very restful, safe holiday season. I’m really looking forward to seeing some of you in person at a SplunkLive! or .conf in 2021.

As always - thanks for reading

Cheers

Matt

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Thanks!
Matt Davies