SPLUNK LIFE

Splunkers, sort thyselves

Since so few of you, especially the ones that complained about ghurrly drinks, came and drank gin last week there is still plenty of gin.

So now we’ll try broadening our audience by watering down perfectly good gin. But fear not, PM can complicate even this simple feat.

Gin and Tonic drinkers, especially at a bar, can be sorted with high probability into one of these two groups.

  • Really wants a vodka tonic or other taste-free beverage, but is unable or unwilling to ask for it in public.
  • Actually likes gin, and is adding tonic in order to drink more of it, faster.

There are subtle variations, but this sorting function works with stunning accuracy.

Now both are fine categories, but you need to apply them to a decision matrix:

  1. Which gin?
  2. What sour?
  3. Which tonic?

Where all steps are mutually interdependent.

If all that sounds too much like Sorkin math, here are some helpful combinations that I personally like:

Category 1 Drinkers like:

  1. Bombay Saphire, Schweps tonic (esp diet), lemon (esp mayer)
  2. Junipero, Seagrams’s tonic and key lime*
  3. Hendricks, Schweps tonic and Fee Bro’s mint bitters

Category 2 Drinkers like:

  1. Millers Westbourne* Strength, Fever Tree, Fee Bro’s lemon bitters
  2. No 209, Seagrams, Hyssop or lemon verbena bitters (blood orange is good too)
  3. Tanqueray 10, Fever Tree, Mexican lime

Alas, we have no Millers. But we can do most everything else. So come and sort yourselves out. Remember, the only way to advance the cause of Science is through experimentation.

PS: Westbourne Strength is 110 proof gin. Woo hoo!

PSS: The Anchor Steam guys actually designed Junipero for the recipe provided, and it is the only capacity in which I can vouch for touching the stuff.

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