What is this? Do you know how hard we in the morale department work to keep you happy? Our fingers bleed; have you seen a callous this big before? Only on that black pit you call a soul.
We paid good money for that tasty goodness rotting away in the kitchen. Don’t pretend like you didn’t seem them there. Lots of fresh, organic, artisanal local fruit. Grown by professionals. Armies mobilized from Central America to come a pick them, risking life and limb. Delivered to mere feet from your lazy desk by hipsters on the backs of biofueled, trendy little scooters.
And for what? So you can watch them attract flies. A vile waste that will not be tolerated!
Unfortunately, the morale department cannot eat that many pears single-handed. Therefore, you will be further indulged, like a African despot bribed into a life of privileged seclusion in a villa outside London.
So bring your aviator shades and come to the south side. Where we will cut, gut and turn delicious pear goodness into tasty shots. It’s pear-on-gin-on-pear action that will make you happy, the pear happy, and the gin happy.
On the South Side.