Splunkers, sort thyselves

Since so few of you, especially the ones that complained about ghurrly drinks, came and drank gin last week there is still plenty of gin.

So now we’ll try broadening our audience by watering down perfectly good gin. But fear not, PM can complicate even this simple feat.

Gin and Tonic drinkers, especially at a bar, can be sorted with high probability into one of these two groups.

  • Really wants a vodka tonic or other taste-free beverage, but is unable or unwilling to ask for it in public.
  • Actually likes gin, and is adding tonic in order to drink more of it, faster.

There are subtle variations, but this sorting function works with stunning accuracy.

Now both are fine categories, but you need to apply them to a decision matrix:

  1. Which gin?
  2. What sour?
  3. Which tonic?

Where all steps are mutually interdependent.

If all that sounds too much like Sorkin math, here are some helpful combinations that I personally like:

Category 1 Drinkers like:

  1. Bombay Saphire, Schweps tonic (esp diet), lemon (esp mayer)
  2. Junipero, Seagrams’s tonic and key lime*
  3. Hendricks, Schweps tonic and Fee Bro’s mint bitters

Category 2 Drinkers like:

  1. Millers Westbourne* Strength, Fever Tree, Fee Bro’s lemon bitters
  2. No 209, Seagrams, Hyssop or lemon verbena bitters (blood orange is good too)
  3. Tanqueray 10, Fever Tree, Mexican lime

Alas, we have no Millers. But we can do most everything else. So come and sort yourselves out. Remember, the only way to advance the cause of Science is through experimentation.

PS: Westbourne Strength is 110 proof gin. Woo hoo!

PSS: The Anchor Steam guys actually designed Junipero for the recipe provided, and it is the only capacity in which I can vouch for touching the stuff.

Johnathon Cervelli
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Johnathon Cervelli

Johnathon Cervelli guides the Splunk solution portfolio driving customer success using Splunk for IT operations and application delivery. Through his team of product managers and field deployed engineers, he is responsible for GTM outcomes, customer satisfaction, and continuing the rapid pace of Splunk innovation. Prior to this he bootstrapped Splunk Cloud as the field and GTM leader and ran the Splunk Enterprise product management group. Before Splunk he’s been a world-wide product marketing leader for Blue Coat, a strategy manager in Asia for Microsoft and helped turn around a medium manufacturer as the director of IT and operations. An avid traveler and chef, he enjoys searching for the next exotic meal. Johnathon holds MCSE and CCNA certifications, a degree in Political Science from the University of Chicago and an MBA from the Yale School of Management.

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